The cat is missing

Friday, July 11, 2008

Our kitty Misty is missing. She's been missing for over a month. One day she didn't come home, and we don't know why. I've done everything possible to find her. I've called animal control, put up signs, talked to neighbors and total strangers, even got a free ad in the Beach Reporter for 4 weeks. Steve visited the animal shelter to make sure she wasn't there (thank God he went because I would have come home with another cat...). Got a lot of phone calls but all false leads. I think somebody stole her.

I am struggling to keep the hope that she will come home. And struggling with the guilt that we let her outside. We adopted her from a no-kill shelter that requires the cat be kept indoors. We tried when we first brought her home. Our intention was to keep her in. But another one of our kitties hates being inside. He was an outdoor kitty from birth, and he pee'd all over the house in protest. I don't know how to keep one in and let others out. So reluctantly all the cats have to be indoor/outdoor because we can't afford any more new carpet.

And now I am wracked with guilt because something happened to Misty. Where is she? My intuition tells me she's okay. She's stuck in somebody's house and they won't let her out. They have seen the signs I've posted, but they don't want to give her back. This makes me angry. I know she is beautiful and sweet, but she doesn't belong in a home where the person would steal her to get her.

I'm right now printing a new series of signs. I found a Web site that gives lots of advice on how to find a lost animal. They suggest offering a reward when you post the sign. Haven't tried that yet. I'm hoping this person who has her is more greedy than possessive. Perhaps the lure of money will make them hand her over. I HOPE SO!! Gosh I miss the little girl.

I feel doubly guilty because I remember how many times in the past year I've pushed her aside because I didn't have time to pet her or play with her. How many times I said, "Not now Misty." How many times I was in a rush and could remain present because I am too damn busy. I live life at such a fast pace, and slowing down doesn't feel like an option. So my guilt is compounded because I don't think I was the best kitty mother to her. I could have paid better attention, I could have shown her more love. I didn't even realize how much I love her until she was gone. Then I felt the space in my heart that her sweet little being occupies.

Oh, Misty girl, I do hope you come home to us. I did dream you came home and you were fine. I also dreamt of Shante, who came to let me know you were still alive and well on this side of the veil. I will continue to call you home, and when you can, safely return. We love you little girl, we miss you, and God I don't want to have to tell the shelter director that we lost you. She won't be please one bit. That's where so much of my guilt comes from. I made a promise and I didn't keep it. In all honesty we should have given her back to the shelter when we realized we couldn't keep her inside. So I went back on my word.

If you went to USM, this will look familiar...

I forgive myself for judging myself as a liar.
I forgive myself for judging myself as a bad kitty mommy.
I forgive myself for judging myself as too busy.
I forgive myself for judging myself as having done something wrong.

My heart aches for this little girl, and it preoccupies a lot of this muddled mind. Every time I drive in our neighborhood I am looking in windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of her sitting on a windowsill. So many other things are happening in life right now that feel overwhelming, and a part of me wants Misty to come home because it reinforces the hope that all will be well. All will be right. All will end happily.

Can somebody please help me figure out a way to make things ALWAYS end happily?

Please pray for our little Misty. If she never comes home, please pray that those who have her love her and care for her in the wonderful manner in which she deserves. I know her journey is her own, but I pray that our paths cross again. If nothing else, I need some more estrogen in this house filled with testosterone (our other two remaining cats are male)...