No More Sympathy for Me!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

So I got called out today. Happens occasionally, and if I'm in the right space, I'll actually listen to the call. I wasn't publicly called out, I was called out within my own inner realm, but still it was a shake-down from top to bottom. Bonnie, you've got to stop being so sympathetic over your life! Sympathy puts you in the mode of surrender, inaction and ineffectiveness. STOP IT!!

Have you ever thought about the difference between empathy and sympathy? To have sympathy for somebody is really tantamount to having pity for somebody. You look at them with sad eyes like they're a poor, helpless dog that needs a pat on the head. Empathy, on the other hand, is putting yourself in the position of that other person. It's looking at them, really getting what they're going through, and really connecting with their experience. In empathy, there is no judgment around their experience. There is only understanding. In sympathy, there is HUGE judgment -- you feel sorry for the person because their life is so BAD.

At USM they phrased it this way: When you look at somebody with sympathy, you put them in the victim position. Your judge their life as so bad, you feel sorry for them. However, if you look at somebody with empathy, you gain understanding of their position. There is no judgment, and you allow the person their experience without judging what the outcome might be. Sympathy locks the person into where they are. Empathy gives the person a way out.

You know, how you think of others fuels the energy of their circumstance. Just like "The Secret" can work for you, it works when you project ideas onto others. If you sympathize with a person, you add fuel to their story about "woe is me" and "look at the horrible circumstances that keep me trapped in my rat maze."

But when you empathize with a person, you do not add negative fuel to their circumstance, you add only love and compassion. And in that space, the individual can rise to the occasion and overcome their circumstance.

Sympathy = victimizes

Empathy = empowers

We do this within ourselves as much as we do it with others. So when I sympathize all over my weight issues, I only keep myself in that space. I create a comfortable victim chair and I sit in it and ask others to gather around and commiserate in my story. But when I empathize with my life-long food struggles, and the frustration with my endocrine system, I look at them for what they are -- challenges that create an opportunity for me to rise to the occasion and overcome them. In empathy I am powerful and I empower others. In sympathy we all wallow in the same cesspool.

So the sympathy ends today. I got called out on an internal memo, and it clearly stated the sympathy was no longer wanted or acceptable. I am fully capable of healing, growing and transforming any life challenge into a positive and brilliant end. Heck, I went to the edge of death and came back, and anything after that is truly going to be a cinch!